The greatest Roleplay ever
by Ratbitten
Summary: Don't read this if you have a weak mental and respiratory constitution or you'll probably choke to death laughing. Fair warning. Featured characters- Mutaclone, Kusanagi Motoko, Albert Wesker, Rain or Rayn Ocampo, Marlyn O.C *CRACK ROLEPLAY!*


(Key: Bold **l** in front of post means Kusa posted, Underlined l before post means I posted.)  
(I may have missed a few posts, if I have, my apologies.)

**l**Kusanagi Motoko had been asleep. most of the time, that is. something woke her up; it was still dark out, and it seemed everyone was still asleep. so Kusanagi decided to lay there until everyone woke up or something happened. Muta was asleep on the floor in the corner as usual. and the others were out cold. so, she just tried to get back to sleep. [start random annoying-the-hell-out-of-roomies pl0x]

l Albert HAD been as asleep as he ever really could get, still partially in-tune with the world. The nearest bed to his right was being split by Marlyn and Rayn, Marlyn being on the right side. Closest to Albert. She couldn't get to sleep; to be honest, Marlyn NEVER slept. And normally, in the desert, she could just wander off. Not in the hotel, Albert had made sure Mutaclone was nearest to the door in case Marlyn tried to sneak out and run around the city, causing havok. That was fine by her; she could just cause it inside the room. 1:56 and still counting, in the morning, Marlyn decided it was time to see what exactly she could get away with. "Hey Albert. Albert, I need to use the bathroom." Wesker woke up by 'Hey'. He rolled over onto his face; "Than go." Marlyn stared. "I'm afraid of the dark." "Turn on the light, then." "....But I'm afraid of the dark." "...So?" "If I get up something will kill me." "All this to go to the bathroom?" There was a moments silence. "....Actually, I don't need to go to the bathroom anymore."

**l** Kusanagi Motoko actually woke up, again, and began listening to the conversation. Muta slept through this much, and Kusanagi fell back asleep. until the next round of 'annoy the fuck out of the person below you

l Albert didn't even bother to respond, supposing it over. In another moment, something hit him on the head. Something sat up and stared at Marlyn, able to see, even through the darkness, her sitting up with a notebook in her lap, and ten or twelve crumpled pieces of paper next to her. Even as he was staring, she put on in her mouth and spat it over, hitting him between the eyes. Making a disgusted sound he flung it away and flopped back down, annoyed but not YET surprised that Marlyn was doing this. After she exhausted the paper, there was another bout of silence. And then Marlyn started singing. Were no strangers to love "You know the rules and so do Iiiiiiiii..." Marlyn was NOT cut out for chorus. "A full commitments what I'm thinking of," What was this song from, the 70's? "You wouldnt get this from any other guy!".... How was Rayn IGNORING this? Albert sat up again, glaring. "IIIIIIIIIII-I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling!...." "Gotta make you-understand" Albert interrupted her- "Shut. Up." Marlyn went quiet. And then she started screaming. "never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down! Never gonna run around an-" Wesker chucked the nearest object, debating yanking the lamp out of the wall and throwing that, too

**l** Kusanagi Motoko was silently laughing into a pillow. Muta, still asleep, and Kusa burying her face in the pillow.

l Marlyn ducked the flying suitcase, and it thankfully didn't hit Rayn, who if hit by it would probably get up and throw Marlyn at the wall in an act of blind self-defense. After a short while, maybe ten minutes. ".....Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun The frumious Bandersnatch!" Marlyn chorused. Albert ignored her. "Hey Albert. Albert. Albert. Albert." "What?" "....What does frumious mean?" She asked, messing around with her pillow, coming close to whapping Rayn over the head with it more than once. Wesker went back to trying to sleep, ignoring the question. "Albert, you like, lived in an orphanage, right? But it was in Germany, right? So like, you didn't have a dad, right?" "Didn't *know* him." "...No, like, you didn't have a dad. You could totally have been grown in a petri dish." Albert ignored her. "....Once, my dad helped me grow a tomato in a petri dish. It like, grew legs and started grazing on the other stuff in our fridge, and it like, screamed and stuff if you tried to poke it with a fork. I named it Chansy Mc Jeebers."

**l** Kusanagi Motoko turned on her back at the singing "MAR. SHUT THE FUCK UP." about to kick the mattress, she rolled half on Albert, unaware that it gave Mar more reasons _not_ to shut up.

l Albert's attention was pretty much focused on shutting Marlyn up. "Marlyn, I swear to god, when I get back to Raccoon I will BLOW YOUR LAB UP, and I will shove MOLOTOV COCKTAILS in ALL of your file-safes and WATCH ALL the data you've ever collected EXPLODE." That seemed to have done the trick until three minutes later. "I already did that." Marlyn said. Albert stared. "You blew up your lab?" "No actually I let a bunch of hunters in because I thought they were cute and looked kind of like puppies." ".....Hunters." "And then they started DESTROYING everything, so I tried to get rid of them by throwing grenades everywhere, but it didn't really work the way I thought it would..." "....Gee."

**l** Kusanagi Motoko stared, just STARED. before immediately looking to Albert and moving away, in case he decided to kick the matress.

l I SWALLOWED A FLY. OH MY GOD. I SWALLOWED A FLY." "Calm down, it's just a bu-" "IT TASTED LIKE CHICKEN." Marlyn paused; "I want another!" She said suddenly. Albert stared. "No, Marlyn. People don't...uh...eat flies." "...Why not?" "BECAUSE IT'S ABNORMAL." he snapped. ".....But you eat rabbits." "....Tons of people eat rabbits." "....Once I had cat." "...Sure you did." "I did! Anette and I went to florida, and we ate the beef stew, and the waiter hinted towards the fact that it wasn't beef, so it must have been cat!" "....It was alligator." "....EEWWWW, I ATE LIZARD STEW?" "Ye-" "THAT'S DISGUSTING. ALBERT, I WANT TEN DOLLARS IN RECOMPENSE." "...would you just SHUT UP and SLEEP?" "...Sleeping is girly, staying up makes me feel manly!" "...Marlyn.." "....That came out wrong, didn't it?" "...Oh yes." "....I need to go to the bathroom again."

**l** Kusanagi Motoko groaned and faceplante dinto Albert's chest "Marlyn.... shut. up. and. SLEEP." somewhat muffled, she was surprised Rayn wasn't awake and kicking Mar out of the bed, Kusanagi roleld off and buried her face in a pillow.

l Albert was about ready to throw the bedside table at Marlyn, as she went on. "Once when I was five I had a dream that I was dressed in Rodeo clothes and I went to school and got sent to the principal's office and I shot the headmaster in the f-" "MARLYN, I DON'T CARE, GO TO SLEEP, OR I WILL MAKE YOU." Marlyn made sniffling sounds. "You don't love meee." She whined. "Damned right I don't, now GO. To SLEEP." Marlyn had an unusual thirty minute long stretch of silence, and thankful, Albert closed his eyes, and was almost asleep when something was poked into his ear. He sat up, hopefully Kusa wasn't too close to him or she'd be at risk of a sudden, rude awakening in the form of being flung off the bed. "What th-" he didn't see anything. Marlyn, with a pencil in her hand, was right beside the bed, flattened to the ground, out of site, trying not to giggle like a five year old. The moment she was sure Wesker was trying to go back to sleep, she patted around on the bed until she figured her hand was somewhere near his face, and jabbed the pencil randomly at him again. "DEAR GOD MY NOS- MARLYN." Albert yelled, sitting up, Marlyn flat on the ground again. "I KNOW YOU'RE NOT IN THE BED, AND I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL FIND YOU, AND I WILL KILL YOU." and with that, he flopped back down, grumbling. Marlyn spider-crawled back to the bunk she'd been on and climbed back on it, peering owlishly at the others. After twenty minutes or so, she grew bored again. Marlyn took a pillow and flung it at Albert, where it landed on his face. Saying NOTHING, he took the pillow, stalked over and began beating Marlyn mercilessly up with it. Rayn came around; "W-huh?" Albert answered. "Marlyn has a spider on her face. Just taking care of it." "...Oh." And with that, Rayn flopped back onto her pillow and was sleeping again.

**l** Kusanagi Motoko laughed slightly, watching a pissed Albert beat up Marlyn. the dolphin woke up and stared; his eyes glowing but the rest of his body unseen due to his position, that was fairly closed his eyes, the gloow dissappearing, and Muta went back to bed. [i would die if i saw that]

l Albert retreated back to the bed while Marlyn pined, grumbling; "Albface, you're MEAN. That was MEAN. You're MEAN so you're going to go to HELL." Albert's only answer was "Already there as long as you're here, Marlyn." Before he literally fell onto the bed, landing face down. "...Asshole. I hope you get a...a...HEADACHE...and...and....FEEL CRUMMY." "You already gave me one." "....WELL....I HOPE YOU GET ANOTHER." Wesker ignored that. It was actually quiet for a while, maybe an hours time, but for a good reason. Marlyn had spidercrawled back across the floor and scuttled silently and proficiently up a bedpost and onto the top and empty bunk of the bed Albert and Kusa were in; still almost imperceptible, she crawled over the side and clung to the bottom of the top bunk, slowly turning over and clinging with her left hand and both feet, facing downwards. After a moment, at a loss for something to do, she dug around in one pocket and withdrew a dorritos packet, making a slight plastic, crinkling sound as she did so. Albert rolled over and peered over the side of the bed, and, seeing nothing, rolled back. Letting out a held breath of relief, Marlyn took a chip and chewed it without a sound. After another slight bout of sound, and another check from Albert, she suddenly said, very loudly; "WANT A CHIP?" and flailed her arm, with a dorrito in her hand, around, Wesker sitting up quickly and toppling over the side of the bed in surprise, probably taking the bedsheets, Kusa, a pillow and half the matress with him. "....Is that a no?" "YES MARLYN, THAT's A FUCKING 'NO'."

**l** Kusanagi Motoko stared, falling down with him "what the fuuuuck. MARLYN SHUT UP AND GO TO BED." she stood up "i swear to god. i. will. drag you off the mattress ONTO THE FLOOR AND BEAT YOU WITH A PILLOW.

l  Marlyn let go of the bottom of the top bunk, flopping down onto the sheetless bed. "sho yhou d'n whant a shpp. 'Sh yer loss." "I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU." Albert yelled, disentangling himself and launching at Marlyn, sending her off the edge of the bed, and, upon landing on his feet, Wesker took the oppertunity to LIFT the matress up and begin BEATING Marlyn with it, yelling obscenities in various languages; at this, Rayn DID wake up, and very suddenly. Sitting up quickly and stepping off the bed, she screamed "ENEMY ATTACK" And ran blindly past Mutaclone into the door, falling backwards; "THEY HAVE CLUBS. EVERYONE COVER YOUR HEAD." Only after SHOOTING several holes in the wall and frightening the tennants in the neighboring room quite a bit, tripping over the bed and knocking herself out did Rayn quiet down. "...Damn that was annoying." Marlyn said, having shut up to watch Rayn, and Albert having stopped bludgeoning her to do the same. Re-alerted to the task on hand, Marlyn was quickly grounded again by a particularly rough blow to the head, before Albert put the matress back on the bed, picked Marlyn up and threw her at the now unpopulated neighboring bed. "YOU WILL STAY THERE. AND YOU WILL BE QUIET. AND IF I HEAR ANYTHING, SO GOD HELP YOU." He yelled, met with a loud "GOD DOESN'T EXIST, THERE's ONLY XENU." from Marlyn. He picked up the bedsheets and threw them carelessly back on the bunk before trying his luck at sleeping again, half-betting that he'd be back up within ten minutes.

**l ** Kusanagi Motoko crawled back in bed with Albert and curled up, falling back asleep rather quickly, ignoring the startled rayn that just went ballistic. Kusa decided to cuddlehug Albert and hope Mar shut up so they could sleep, `cause it's getting light out

lMarlyn seemed to sleep, somehow, for a couple hours, and grateful, Albert was able to do the same; the moment 5:00 came around, however, Marlyn was back up. Spontanously, and very loudly, Marlyn screamed "I'M HUNGRY. LETS GO GET FLIES FOR BREAKFAST." Albert grumbled out a quiet "Please god.....Kill me now." Marlyn continued. "Or we could get CHICKEN for breakfast, but I don't like chicken that much because the bloodveins remind me of little worms and then I think 'Las Plagas' and then I go 'ewwww' and then I won't eat it and now I feel nauseas, but that's okay because if I throw up at least Rayn won't get anything on her since she's on the floor napping." "WHY, WHY, MARLYN. WAS YOUR MOTHER A ROOSTER?" Marlyn grinned. "NOPE MY MOM WAS A RUSSIAN. YOU WERE CLOSE THOUGH, THEY BOTH START WITH 'R'."

**l ** Kusanagi Motoko remained asleep, listening to the pointless conversation. "go to bed, or i'll shoot holes up through the mattress." the woman kept a gun with her even when she slept. paranoid much? yeah.

l  Albert swore vividly under his breath as Marlyn answered with a peppy: "COOL! THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. But doesn't that mean that Albeface will have to pay for it?" "No, Marlyn, it means YOU'LL have to pay for it." "...But I don't have money." "If you stay quiet until morning I'll give you a 50." "....But it IS morning." "IF YOU SHUT UP UNTIL IT's THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO GET UP I'LL PAY YOU 70." "....80." "....70." ".....20!" "....Fine, Marlyn, I'll give you a twenty." "....YAY!" And with that, Marlyn would most likely remain quiet for the next two or three hours until everyone else, with the possible exception of Rayn, got up.

**l ** Kusanagi Motoko finally fell back asleep, and nuzzled Albert, rolling over on her other side. waking up several hours later and staring up at Marlyn from her bunk.

l did NOT wake up, having gotten literally no sleep prior to the last couple hours, instead laying completely unresponsive while the sun rose. Marlyn was sitting on her bunk, large, owlish eyes fixated on Kusa and Albert's bunk,and Rayn having been dragged up onto the bed besides Marlyn. There were random things scribbled all over Rayn's hands in what looked like sharply, namely stars, a hyena, the word 'PIMPIN' and a doodle a slice of pizza. Every now and then Marlyn would glance at the clock, and the moment it hit eight thirty, the young woman made a sound that could only be described as a 'SCREECH'. It was a mix between nails on a chalkboard and a displeased owl.

**l** Kusanagi Motoko didn't wake up this time, she made sure her prosthetics were unresponsive for a set ammount of time so she didn't *hear* Mar's screeching.

l Albert wasn't lucky enough to have the option of shutting down his auditory system. Instead, he shot up, as did Rayn, and stared at Marlyn like she had three heads. "What. The FUCK. Was THAT?" "It was my Russian side!" ".... I hate you." "But it's eight thirty, normal people wake up now!" "NO, normal people with JOBS wake up now. Normal people WITHOUT jobs wake up MUCH LATER." "HOW MUCH LATER?" "LIKE HELL IF I KNOW." He flopped back down. "You just want to hold off giving me a twenty!" "I'll give you another twenty if you shut up until TEN. And you are NOT allowed to make......Owl....Noises....until then." It was Rayn's turn to speak up. "Psssshht, she shouldn't be allowed to make owl noises PEROID. Wait- is there....Why is there a fat stick figure on my hand, and why is it holding a chainsa- is that...WHY is there a stick figure of Anette cutting off Spencer's head with a chainsaw, and WHY did you give her a muffintop?" Marlyn stared at her. "That's not Anette." "...Then who is it." "YOUR MOM!" Marlyn grinned and leaped off the side of the bed, evading being slapped across the face only narrowly.

**l ** Kusanagi Motoko was still alble to sleep before everything switched back on and she got a hellish headache at the "your mom" remark "ow, shit." her personality changed due to; lack of sleep, inablility to hide her typical, rather violent self, and FLIPPED THE TWO OFF THE MATTRESS. laying back down.

l  "_THANK_ you, Frau Motoko." Albert grumbled, rolling over so his back was to Marlyn. Rayn grudgingly forced Marlyn onto the top bunk, threatening her with a Beretta to get her to shut up and SLEEP. Somehow, she managed, though Albert wouldn't question Rayn. She was known for her VERY quick temper.

**l ** Kusanagi Motoko kissed your cheek before returning to bed, and finally getting enough sleep to return to her normal, semni-peaceful self. the dolphin slept through EVERYTHING. [which is funny, he's a very heavy sleeper.]

l Albert managed to sleep, Marlyn kept in bed by the threatening Rayn, until 10:30 when there was another owlish shriek, and Albert sat up, he and Rayn speaking in Unison; "I said NO. SCREACHING." They snapped, Rayn flopping back onto her pillow, Albert glancing at a clock and getting up, taking his sunglasses from the nightstand and walking over to a chair, putting on the trench coat; "I wanna get breakfast at a Chinese place." Marlyn said. "No, Marlyn." "Then where?" "I don't know, wait for everyone else to get up." It took Rayn ten minutes to convince herself to get up, and if Kusanagi didn't do the same in around twenty minutes, Wesker would gently shake her by her shoulder and point over to the nearest alarm clock. He, Marlyn and Rayn let Mutaclone be, none of them wanting to get on the dolphin's bad side, and none wanting to be the person to wake them up. ((Okayiftheygotfood and dragged it back to the Hotel we could pull the movie-annoying-thing.

**l ** Kusanagi Motoko sat up "what- oh, go get food, i'm not hungry." she had half her sensory organs turned off so she could get some more sleep, sadly. because she was still fairly unstable. even though she got up to clean herself up before laying back down.

l Albert nodded; "Alright then. We'll be back within the hour." He dragged Rayn, Marlyn and possibly Mutaclone out into the hallway, down the stairs, through the lobby and out onto the street. Marlyn hovered near Wesker, and in an obnoxious voice said "WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE, ALBERT. AN AADVENNNTUUUUREEE!" "Shut up." Both Marlyn and Albert said as a reply. They walked down to a nearby Heinens, Giant Eagle, Whole Foods, whatever; "Marlyn, you do NOT leave a FIVE FOOT RADIUS of either me or Rayn, do you UNDERSTAND?" "....WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTU-" Rayn repeated the question; "Do you. Understand?" "...Yes?" "...GOOD." Wesker interjected; "Rayn, do NOT take your eyes off her. Not for a MILISECOND, because that is ALL she needs to blow this city up." Marlyn grinned; "DESTRUCTION IS NIIIIGHHH, NNNNNNNIIIIIGH." People stared. Rayn cuffed her in the back of the head, rolling her eyes

((unfortunately it ends here. Hopefully, the rp will be continued; if it is, I WILL post the second part.))  
((Mutaclone and Kusa as roleplayed C) Kusanagi Motoko on Furadia and Mutaclone on Devientart)

((Albert and Marlyn as roleplayed C) Me, Residentratbitten on Devient art and Albert on Furcadia.))


End file.
